My preference is to have my appointment as early in the morning as possible. You get up, take a shower, go to the doctor. No stopping in between to jog a few laps or weed the garden.
Clean is good.
I get there early and they move me right through the series of waiting rooms. It's never just one main waiting room, you have to check in and given the all clear to proceed to the inner sanctum, the second waiting room.
Once there, I barely read a couple of pages in my book when the nurse calls me to the back. I felt pretty good this morning, my back wasn't hurting and I felt happy. I'm a morning person, a happy as a clam morning person.
I sprung up and was heading toward the nurse when I noticed the only other person in the room, a lady around 70 or so with a back brace, looking at me. Her eyes were saying "What are YOU doing here?" My steps slowed down, I developed a limp, I think I groaned a bit.
I get back in the room and am reminded that not only will I get my MRI results, but have a nerve test conducted. Okey dokey.
The doctor comes in. Every time I look at him I want to card him. He looks so young yet there is a certificate on the wall that claims that he is a Doctor of Osteopathy.
He review the MRI with me. I have a small bulge between my S1 and L5. He emphasizes "small". The nerve test consists of a computer hooked up to electrodes. I swear that's what it looked like to me. He tells me "I am going to stimulate the muscle with electrical impulses first and then test the nerve". He starts fiddling with his cords and pads and I say "How are you going to test the nerve?"
"Stick a mumble in it".
"What? Pardon?"
"Stick a needle in it."
"What kind of needle? An acupuncture needle?"
"Yes, a needle similar to that."
Okay - he's the doctor, but I still brace myself.
The electrical muscle test stuff went fine. Kinda weird watching your muscles shake or jerk without you doing a thing. I was entertained.
Then the nerve test.
So I'm laying there. He says "POKE" and jabs a needle near my ankle.
"Hey!!! That hurts" I yell out, startled to say the least.
He ignores me.
"POKE" he shouts
"Wait a minute, that hurts!"
He pauses and says "It feels like an ache right?"
"What do you mean "right"? Haven't you ever had this done?"
It takes a second to review that in my mind.
"Just so you know, it's not an ache, it feels like you are smashing down on a new bruise."
He continues.
For some, apparently masochistic, reason, I still like this guy.
He finishes with the front and I turn over. After the shocks, he says, "Okay I am done shocking you, now turn over for the poking."
Okay - he said it.
I didn't.
I could let it go.
But I don't.
My leg is smarting. I'm a bit peeved about that.
"Well you must be real fun on a date." I say, chuckling.
"Oh I don't take my kit with me when I go on dates" he replies.
Touche Doc.
1 comment:
Okay, I'm all about the professionalism when it comes to people of the medical persuasion -- but this doctor has lost sight of the fact that it's a little...um...UNUSUAL to be sticking folks with needles in the name of medical diagnostics? That it's just a little comment-worthy?
Suggests too many smartazz comebacks to me; I'd have to choose. Something about hoping he picked a nice color of embroidery floss to decorate your ankle with? (No, he wouldn't get it.) Comparing his diagnostics to something from Pillars of the Earth? (No, he doesn't have time to read massive books.) Got it! I'd ask whether Cameron or Chase couldn't come up with something a little less...intrusive to tell him what he wanted to know. Even if he doesn't watch TV, I'd get a smile out of it.
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